MIDLAND, Va. - Growing up, I dreamed at air shows about what it must feel like to be a master pilot, performing the impossible; Thursday, I experienced it firsthand.
Every year, thousands pack Air Force bases for events like the Joint Service Open House and Air Show at Andrews Air Force Base, Md., May 21 and 22. Like me, they seek a rare chance to see and tour a favorite plane and watch the masters of aerial acrobatics show their skills.
Getting the chance to fly with one of these masters is a dream come true, but I am quite the nervous flyer – ironic given I've been in the Air Force a decade – so I was full of nervous energy, thinking: What if?
Driving to the airport, I ran through my pre-interview routine: What questions to ask? What pictures to take?
Anything to keep my mind off what I was about to do.
At that point, my Confidence Level in a successful trip without stomach pyrotechnics was 9 out of 10.
When I arrived at the Warrenton-Fauquier Airport here, I had butterflies, but I was ready for the experience of a lifetime.
Air Force Lt. Col. John Klatt, a 21-year Air National Guard veteran and pilot of the Air National Guard Panzl S330 stunt plane, greeted me.
"You ready?"
"Of course I am, sir," I said, hesitantly. We began the pre-flight orientation, including me putting on my first-ever parachute.
Told how to activate the parachute by grabbing a lever and pulling with both hands straight out, I moved a hand in that general direction.
"Let me be specific," my instructor said. "Pull only in the case of an emergency … not now."
Confidence Level: 8½ out of 10.
At 6-feet-4, I am not the prototypical fighter pilot. I squeezed into the plane and was given tips on how to "survive" the flight. Confidence Level: 6:10. I can't pass this up.
The crew chief locked me in, pulled the straps to the point between circulation loss and total paralysis, showed me where the "regurgitation bag" was and warned me to keep control of my breathing and focus on the horizon. Confidence Level: 4:10. Not looking good, but no turning back.
I put my headpiece on – which was attached to a cap to prevent it falling off when we were upside down – and the canopy was locked shut, leaving about two inches of space for me.
Through the headset I heard Klatt ask if I was ready.
Hesitantly, I gave a thumbs up. The plane taxied.
Then I heard the words that changed everything: "Here we go."
Down the long runway the plane sped up and, with a slight pull back on the throttle, we were airborne.
As a Midwesterner, the aerial view felt like home. Green fields and livestock. Nothing could be any more perfect.
Out of nowhere, I felt a slight lean to the left, followed by a quick warning from Klatt that my brain could not interpret due to my internal screaming.
A fast turn to the right, and I had no idea where I was. All I was seeing was the ground, but the ground was my sky, and it dawned on me, "I am upside down."
Before I got used to the blood rushing to my head, the plane moved quickly to the left. We had completed our maneuver. That wasn't that bad.
After leveling off for a moment, I regained my composure. Klatt then shared why he loves flying for the Air National Guard and gave a shout out to the camera for Air Guard members.
Confidence Level: 6 out of 10. Nervous energy wearing off, I was enjoying the flight.
Which was when Klatt said the four words that will wake me from the deepest slumber for the next few weeks.
"Ready for some fun?"
Inside I screamed, "No!" But I gave another thumbs-up, and away we went.
Ground. Sky. Ground. Sky. Ground … ground … ground … and sky.
I reached for the regurgitation bag.
Reaching for intestinal fortitude, as my grandmother calls it, I tried to calm down. I felt hot all over and could see little spots, but the cool air blasting from a vent saved me.
A chase plane was above and to the left. The occupants were laughing at what I can only imagine was a face of sheer terror. I kept telling myself, "You're on camera, keep it professional, don't do anything you would regret." I waved and smiled.
The next instructions though my headset were one of the last things I heard, and I'm still not exactly sure what was said.
Klatt probably said, "We are going to do some big wide loopy-loops and make some great memories and awesome visuals."
What I heard was, "I am going to make you throw up now; have fun."
With a thrust of power, I was pulled down into my seat like someone was trying to pull me through the seat, and I saw the ground, then the performance smoke trail, then the sky. What I didn't expect was to see all of them twice.
After several corkscrew moves and two wide loopy-loops, I knew I had hit my breaking point. Confidence Level: 1 out of 10.
Afraid to speak because of what might come, verbal or non-verbal, I raised my hand for a thumbs-down. "I'm done," I managed.
"You're done?" Klatt said.
"Yes."
The spots in my vision were bigger and had multiplied, and my stomach was warning me.
Trying to relax, I remembered my training: "Breath deep, focus on the horizon."
I took some slow deep breaths and found some clouds. Problem was, they were spinning. I opened the bag and put my face inside, maybe to relieve myself, maybe to hide the shame.
On the radio, I heard, "OK. John's had enough. We are going back."
That may have been the best eight words I've ever heard, but at the same time I was sad my once in a lifetime experience was ending.
With a flight originally scheduled for 20 to 40 minutes, I asked Klatt how long we were up. I just knew we had been airborne at least an hour. Maybe two. In fact, I convinced myself, we were only landing because we had flown so much we were running out of fuel.
"Oh … about 10 minutes," Klatt replied.
"Is that the shortest flight you've ever been on?" I asked.
"No," he said. "This was a great time for me; I just hope you had a great time." Klatt flies because he loves it and is proud of his work.
Upon landing, I crawled from the plane and planted both feet firmly on the ground, wanting to kiss it but afraid of what might happen.
After regaining my composure and several minutes of dry heaving, I asked Klatt why he does this and what keeps him motivated.
"I take great pride in [representing the Air National Guard]. It's been a wonderful relationship for me. Everything I've received is because of my affiliation with the Guard."
Working with the Air National Guard marketing department has allowed Klatt to share his story and his skills.
"We're getting out, we're getting in the community, and it's a blessing to be able to tell folks how great the Guard is," he said. "[The Guard] used to be the best-kept secret when I first got in. But it's no longer a secret."
The next time I find myself at an air show and I see those masters in the sky, doing what they do best, I will sit back, smile and try not to lose my lunch thinking:
Ground. Sky. Ground. Sky. Ground … ground … ground … and sky.