1 00:00:00,830 --> 00:00:03,980 - I knew something was going on right away. 2 00:00:03,980 --> 00:00:06,780 And I remember waking up one morning and dad was gone. 3 00:00:06,780 --> 00:00:09,090 Wait a second, we have things to do today. 4 00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:10,680 And I asked my mom where he went. 5 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,010 And she said that he had to go out to New Jersey 6 00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:15,960 to visit his family. 7 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:19,683 And it wasn't 'til later, that I found out the story. 8 00:00:20,830 --> 00:00:22,560 I'm Lieutenant Courtney Slater, 9 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,563 and my family survived suicide. 10 00:00:25,930 --> 00:00:28,980 My uncle Robert was kinda the kind to, 11 00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:30,250 he was the fun uncle. 12 00:00:30,250 --> 00:00:32,600 He would wrestle around. 13 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,840 They lived near the beach out in Jersey, 14 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,230 which was always fun. 15 00:00:36,230 --> 00:00:38,610 He's the one he always called. 16 00:00:38,610 --> 00:00:40,360 He always wanted us out there. 17 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,203 He took us to the beach all the time. 18 00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:47,610 I don't know what it was, but my uncle and I 19 00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:49,750 have always been close. 20 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:53,010 He had lived this glamorous life. 21 00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:55,070 And when I say glamorous, he's the type, 22 00:00:55,070 --> 00:00:57,070 he took his wife to Paris to propose to her 23 00:00:57,070 --> 00:00:59,110 on top of the Eiffel Tower. 24 00:00:59,110 --> 00:01:02,770 He wanted to go above and beyond to support his family. 25 00:01:02,770 --> 00:01:06,290 And he felt a lotta pressure to do so, 26 00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:09,533 that he had to live up to a certain life. 27 00:01:10,550 --> 00:01:13,260 And he wasn't able to maintain that. 28 00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:16,411 He put on this facade that that's what he could do. 29 00:01:16,411 --> 00:01:17,820 He was always gonna be able to do it, 30 00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:22,820 and when crunch time came the finances started to crumble. 31 00:01:23,330 --> 00:01:24,950 His business started to crumble, 32 00:01:24,950 --> 00:01:29,140 and he had that experience that I'm sure many Americans 33 00:01:29,140 --> 00:01:32,920 can relate with, of oh my gosh, I'm going bankrupt. 34 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:37,350 I have a wife, who is used to a certain 35 00:01:37,350 --> 00:01:39,750 living style, standard of living. 36 00:01:39,750 --> 00:01:43,300 I have two beautiful kids that I have to support. 37 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:45,600 And my world is falling apart. 38 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:49,774 I can't financially provide for them. 39 00:01:49,774 --> 00:01:53,200 You know my wife deserves better, my kids deserve better, 40 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,960 I feel like I'm failing. 41 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,770 And that feeling of self-worth, 42 00:01:57,770 --> 00:01:59,330 and just he wasn't good enough, 43 00:01:59,330 --> 00:02:03,820 is ultimately what led to a really dark moment 44 00:02:03,820 --> 00:02:05,654 in our family's life. 45 00:02:05,654 --> 00:02:10,640 I came home from school and we had had a class on suicide. 46 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:13,760 And had been listening to everyone else in the class, 47 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,100 and people are talking about, oh that's so selfish, 48 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:19,517 people that commit suicide they're selfish people 49 00:02:19,517 --> 00:02:23,200 for not thinking about anyone but themselves. 50 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,060 And as a very young, impressionable person, 51 00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:27,150 I'm like yeah you're right. 52 00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:29,440 Like that is so selfish. 53 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,150 Why would anyone do that? 54 00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:33,650 Think about everyone else that they're leaving behind. 55 00:02:33,650 --> 00:02:36,090 Like they've gotta be crazy to think 56 00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:38,840 that that's what they have to do, when I came home. 57 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,470 And I was talking to my parents about it, 58 00:02:41,470 --> 00:02:44,130 and telling them about this class, 59 00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:49,130 and my dad got really emotional, and he ended up leaving. 60 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:53,070 And my mom kinda sat me down and told me 61 00:02:53,070 --> 00:02:56,830 that my uncle had tried to commit suicide. 62 00:02:56,830 --> 00:03:00,740 I felt ashamed of what I had said. 63 00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:08,340 My mom kinda looked at me and said, 64 00:03:08,340 --> 00:03:11,340 what if I was feeling that way 65 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:16,010 that I needed to take my own life, 66 00:03:16,010 --> 00:03:19,430 and I hear people around me talking, 67 00:03:19,430 --> 00:03:22,160 oh that's selfish, that's selfish, 68 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,150 I wouldn't want to talk to anybody and say, 69 00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:25,550 hey this is how I'm feeling. 70 00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:29,240 I don't want to be judged, 71 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:32,303 or meant to feel ashamed. 72 00:03:33,260 --> 00:03:36,480 And I understood, after talking to my mom, 73 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,320 how I thought about suicide, 74 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:42,890 and how I talk about suicide, matters. 75 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:46,660 It matters not just for my own internal processing, 76 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:50,690 but it matters to the people around us 77 00:03:50,690 --> 00:03:55,690 that may be struggling with it, and how they hear us 78 00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:59,130 talk about it, could very much influence 79 00:03:59,130 --> 00:04:01,180 whether or not they want to come forward. 80 00:04:03,490 --> 00:04:08,013 You are not weak, if you're thinking of suicide. 81 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:10,710 You're not weak. 82 00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:12,540 You're just in a tough spot. 83 00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:19,633 And the strongest thing you can do is to say, I'm not okay, 84 00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:22,903 and to ask for help. 85 00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:26,500 And I think, 86 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:30,600 just the family culture of being open 87 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,523 and non-judgmental, 88 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:37,473 opened that door for my uncle to get help. 89 00:04:39,050 --> 00:04:43,810 When you're in a moment of I have a got a drink in one hand, 90 00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:47,540 I have my loaded weapon in another, 91 00:04:47,540 --> 00:04:50,923 and you're sobbing, you feel hopeless, 92 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,550 who are you gonna call? 93 00:04:54,550 --> 00:04:58,710 Are you gonna call someone that openly says, 94 00:04:58,710 --> 00:05:02,450 hey you're selfish for feeling this way, 95 00:05:02,450 --> 00:05:04,100 or are you gonna call someone 96 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:06,903 that you know isn't gonna judge? 97 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,840 And they're gonna be there. 98 00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:15,620 And my family was able to be that for my uncle. 99 00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:20,620 It took years for everything to fully bounce back for him. 100 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,690 But he did and that was, 101 00:05:25,690 --> 00:05:26,700 that was huge. 102 00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:31,360 And looking back, we can see he's rebounded 10 times over. 103 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,980 He had two kids at the time, now he has four. 104 00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:36,000 One just graduated from college this year. 105 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,990 The other's at UCLA. 106 00:05:37,990 --> 00:05:40,250 One is off to Boston as a freshman. 107 00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,110 His other is a junior in high school. 108 00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:44,010 His family is thriving. 109 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,990 He has bounced back financially. 110 00:05:46,990 --> 00:05:49,120 He's living his dream. 111 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,990 He's still with his wife, who we just love and adore, 112 00:05:51,990 --> 00:05:56,340 and respect so much for holding on 113 00:05:56,340 --> 00:05:58,780 during those really tough times. 114 00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:03,260 And we don't say it out loud, but we all know 115 00:06:03,260 --> 00:06:08,260 that he was able to recover because we all came together, 116 00:06:08,770 --> 00:06:10,493 and we helped, and we supported, 117 00:06:11,359 --> 00:06:15,840 and we truly loved unconditionally. 118 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:18,050 If he hadn't of had us there, 119 00:06:18,050 --> 00:06:22,630 or if he hadn't have been able to put all pride aside, 120 00:06:22,630 --> 00:06:27,630 and reach out for help even in that last moment effort, 121 00:06:29,250 --> 00:06:30,760 then he wouldn't have had the opportunity 122 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,380 to recover like he did. 123 00:06:33,380 --> 00:06:37,380 Make yourself someone that someone can go to, 124 00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:40,370 and not feel judged, and not feel like 125 00:06:40,370 --> 00:06:43,660 you're going to shame them out of feeling 126 00:06:43,660 --> 00:06:45,083 the way that they are. 127 00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:50,710 You may not be able to fix whatever it is in their life 128 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:54,140 that's going wrong that's causing them to feel that way, 129 00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:58,610 but you can contribute to everything else in their life, 130 00:06:58,610 --> 00:07:00,060 so they know that, 131 00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:03,730 hey if this one piece isn't worth living for, 132 00:07:03,730 --> 00:07:06,253 I've got all these other things that are. 133 00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:10,440 And that's important to hold onto. 134 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,290 And if you're not sure how to do that, 135 00:07:12,290 --> 00:07:13,640 find someone else that can. 136 00:07:14,507 --> 00:07:17,257 (peaceful music)