Editor’s Note: Monday is Memorial Day, commemorating the men and women who have died in military service to the United States. Here are messages from the secretary of defense, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Air Force leaders – and other stories, including a first-person account of a recent encounter at Ramstein Air Force Base that sheds light on the day’s real meaning.
Gates stresses reflection in Memorial Day message
American Forces Press Service
WASHINGTON - In his final Memorial Day message as his June 30 retirement nears, Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates called on service members to reflect on their comrades who have died in service to the nation.
Here is the text of the secretary’s video message:
For many Americans, Memorial Day is a respite from work. But it should be foremost an occasion to reflect, to remember and to honor all those who have fought and died in defense of our nation. It is also a day to remember family members, who in recent years have borne the brunt of repeated deployments.
Memorial Day must not be the only day in which we keep our troops – men and women like you – in our thoughts. We must always recognize that this generation, like so many before, is keeping watch and serving in faraway lands.
It has been my greatest honor to serve and to lead you as secretary of defense. Virtually every day since taking this post, I have written condolence letters to the families of the fallen. I will always keep all of you in my heart and in my prayers as long as I live – as should all Americans. Thanks for listening.
Mullen notes importance of remembrance in Memorial Day message
American Forces Press Service
WASHINGTON - In his Memorial Day message, Navy Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, reflected on the true meaning of the holiday: to remember fallen comrades and their families.
Here is the text of the chairman’s video message:
For many people, Memorial Day marks the beginning of summer, but for millions of American families it holds a much deeper meaning. It is that day we set aside solemnly to remember the brave who did not make it home, to celebrate their courage, mourn their loss, and appreciate what they did to make this country a safer place. Sadly, more than 6,000 names have been added to that roll call in the last 10 years. Please take a moment to remember them and their families. Thank you.
Air Force leaders issue Memorial Day message
Armed Forces News Service
WASHINGTON - Secretary of the Air Force Michael Donley and Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Norton Schwartz send the following Memorial Day message to the Airmen of the U.S. Air Force and their families:
As we pause this Memorial Day to honor those who have died in service of our great nation, it also is useful to reflect on what this day of remembrance reveals about the character of our nation and its people.
History records that Maj. Gen. John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, formally designated May 30th, 1868, as a day to decorate the graves of the fallen.
History also suggests, however, that long before this formal decree, the people of several towns and cities organized local efforts to decorate service members' graves, demonstrating the deeply personal and heartfelt gratitude that Americans express for those who serve, and for those who sacrificed.
Since its origin, Memorial Day has been an opportunity to pause and reflect on the sacrifices of the more than one million Soldiers, Marines, Sailors, Airmen and Coast Guardsmen who have made the ultimate sacrifice to secure our freedoms.
Let us also not forget those who are still counted among the missing, including more than 1,600 from action in Vietnam, 8,000 in Korea, and well over 73,000 in the Second World War. We also demonstrate America's character through our ceaseless efforts to account for each of them, with gratitude for their sacrifices and that of their families.
No other nation in history has dedicated as much care, effort, and expense as we have to find our missing comrades and bring them home with the honor that they deserve. And, thanks to our staunch determination, 80 formerly missing service members, including 31 Airmen, have been returned to their families since January 2010.
Now that these 80 heroes have returned home, grateful Americans can decorate their graves on Memorial Day, too, along with those of many others who sacrificed all. This year, as we observe Memorial Day, let us renew not only our solemn gratitude for their sacrifice; let us also renew our thankfulness for having the privilege to serve such an exceptional nation. Your sacrifices, and those of your families, have earned America's respect. Our proud nation is truly grateful for your service.
Escorting a Buddy Home
By Donna Miles
American Forces Press Service
RAMSTEIN AIR BASE, Germany - The barrel-chested young Marine walked from the baggage carousel last month at Ramstein Air Base’s passenger terminal, his massive camouflage backpack nearly dwarfing his muscular frame.
It had been a long trip from Afghanistan, it was clear, his eyes conveying his fatigue. Another long flight lay ahead to the United States.
“Finishing your deployment, or going home for R&R?” I asked. Neither, he replied, shaking his head. “I’m escorting a buddy home.”
Ramstein is the hub where wounded warriors from Afghanistan fly into to receive advanced medical care at nearby Landstuhl Regional Medical Center. They’re stabilized there before continuing their journey home, to receive longer-term care in the States.
Many of the patients who arrive at Landstuhl are very, very fragile, and the staff there ensures they’re stable before allowing them to fly to their follow-on treatment at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., or Brooke Army Medical Center at Fort Sam Houston, Texas.
“Which hospital are you taking him to?” I asked the Marine.
None, he replied, shaking his head again. “I’m taking him to Michigan.”
I stood with him, processing what he had said as understanding settled in.
“He wasn’t killed, was he?” I asked softly, already knowing the truth. He nodded sadly, and my arms instinctively flung around him as I struggled for words to convey how very sorry I was.
The Marine stood solidly, accepting my embrace without recoiling, and we shared a private moment of grief within the cavernous air terminal.
“It happens,” he said flatly.
The next day, the Defense Department released the casualty information.
The Marine – whose name I will never know – was taking Marine Lance Cpl. Dominic J. Ciaramitaro home to South Lyon, Mich. Ciamamitaro and another Marine, Sgt. Sean T. Callahan were killed April 23 during an improvised explosive device blast in Afghanistan’s Helmand province. They were members of the 3rd Battalion, 9th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, based at Camp Lejeune, N.C.
This Memorial Day, I send my thoughts and prayers to Ciaramitaro’s family, and to that unnamed Marine who conducted the sad, solemn duty of escorting him home.
National Memorial Day observance at Arlington
Joint Forces Headquarters National Capitol Region/Military District of Washington report
WASHINGTON - The U.S. Army Military District of Washington will conduct an Armed Forces Full Honor Wreath-Laying Ceremony on Monday at 11 a.m. at the Tomb of the Unknowns, to be followed by an observance program hosted by the Department of Defense in Arlington's Memorial Amphitheater. A prelude by the U.S. Marine Band will begin in the amphitheater at 10:30 a.m.
Both the wreath-laying ceremony and the observance program are free and open to the general public. No tickets are needed to attend these events. Space is limited to standing room only for the wreath-laying ceremony and seating is available on a first-come, first-served basis in the amphitheater. Attendees are encouraged to be at the Tomb of the Unknowns or seated in the amphitheater by 9:30 a.m.
Free parking is available for vehicles in the Arlington National Cemetery Visitor's Center parking lot from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. A free shuttle service will provide transportation to Memorial Amphitheater beginning at 8 a.m. Walking to the amphitheater is prohibited. After the observance is over, shuttles will provide transportation back to the visitor's center until 1 p.m.
Attendees will be required to pass through a security checkpoint to gain access to the ceremony. Prohibited items include: large bags or backpacks, firearms and weapons of any type, laser pointers, aerosol containers, soda cans, umbrellas, coolers, picnic baskets, bottled water, tripods, lighters, personal protection sprays, and insulated beverage containers.
NOTE: DoD identification card holders will not be permitted to walk from Joint Base Myer-Henderson Hall into the cemetery. Instead, they must park on post and board a free shuttle bus at the Fort Myer Memorial Chapel. The shuttle service is scheduled to begin at 8 a.m.
For additional details, call the Public Affairs Office for the U.S. Army Military District of Washington at 202-685-4645.
Gold Stars: A symbol of sacrifice and the Army's commitment to families of the fallen
By Shayna E. Brouker
Installation Management Command
Donna Engeman started wearing the Gold Star lapel pin after her husband, Chief Warrant Officer John Engeman, was killed southeast of Baghdad on May 14, 2006. She wanted to honor and remember the man she admired as "superman."
But she soon realized the significance of the star was lost on others.
Not long after his death, she tried to order a Gold Star license plate at the DMV. The clerk unknowingly asked if Engeman was the service member. When she replied no, she was not, the clerk told Engeman her husband needed to be with her.
The clerk thought she wanted a disabled veteran license plate, and Engeman couldn't get her to understand the difference between a Gold Star and a Purple Heart – an awkward conversation, indeed. They were both relieved when she left.
Awkward too, when people say, "I love that pin, it goes so well with your outfit." Or when they ask, "Where do you get one?"
"It's funny and ironic" Engeman said. "You want people to know about their sacrifice, but you don't want to stand there and grab someone by the collar and yell, 'He's dead!' So you just walk away, shake your head and eat some chocolate. That's when I get mad at him all over again and say, 'You left me with this.'"
It's a feeling many Gold Star Survivors know, and unfortunately, her experience is not an isolated one. She's seen that, despite being at war for nearly a decade, even many military personnel still don't know what a Gold Star signifies.
The lack of recognition, not just for Survivors, but for their loved ones, hurts deeply.
"It's disheartening to be so far into this war, yet when I drive around with a bumper sticker and pin and people just don't know," she said.
Engeman uses her experience in her work as a survivor advocate and special projects coordinator for the Family and Morale, Welfare and Recreation Command's Survivor Outreach Services. As a Gold Star Wife and advocate, she believes that more needs to be done to increase awareness.
According to Engeman, the Army is working hard to ensure Survivors don't feel quite so alone. As part of this initiatives, FMWRC established SOS in October, 2008. Its mission is to build a unified support program that embraces and reassures Survivors that they are continually linked to the Army Family for as long as they desire. The comprehensive program is designed to meet the needs of Survivors with a wide-range of support, services and programs.
For example, last year SOS established Survivor Decals to make it easier for those without Department of Defense identification cards to enter installations. Before that, Survivors had to get a visitor or temporary vehicle pass to access garrisons and the SOS programs and services offered there.
Congress, too, made strides last year to honor Survivors by designating Dec. 18 as Gold Star Wives Day. Gold Star Mother's Day, held on the last Sunday in September, has recognized the sorrow and sacrifice of mothers of fallen sons and daughters every year since 1936.
But still, many people "just don't know" what the Gold Star is, even though its history dates to World War I.
Even today, Families hang service banners outside their homes if they had a loved one serving overseas. There were two types of service banners: One has a white background, red border and blue stars that indicate the number of family members serving in harm's way. The other has a white background, blue border and gold stars, indicating the number of Family members killed in combat. From these banners grew the terms Gold Star Mothers, Wives and Family Members.
In 1967, an Act of Congress standardized the service banners and established the Gold Star lapel pins to issue to immediate Family members of servicemembers killed in combat, including those who have committed suicide in theater. The Next of Kin pin signifies a service-related death or suicide during active duty other than combat.
A senior general officer, representing the Army itself, usually presents the pin and colors to the spouse or next of kin during the funeral. Casualty assistance officers coordinate this solemn rite.
"Not everyone is congenial about receiving the pin or flag, and it's presumptuous to assume so," said Edward Maney, Casualty Assistance Center chief at Ft. Sam Houston. "But it's our way of extending our heart to them."
As senior Army chaplain at Arlington National Cemetery from 1996 to 2000, Maney has become familiar with the delicate process of grieving and healing. He believes the Gold Star program needs to be better integrated into the "fabric of the military and society" across the board.
Charlene Westbrook, a Gold Star Wife, agrees that more needs to be done to increase awareness.
Like Engeman, she has had her share of uncomfortable experiences. She became familiar with Gold Star pins long before her husband, Sgt. 1st Class Kenneth Westbrook, died on Oct. 7, 2009, from injuries sustained in an ambush in Iraq.
His brother and her sister's husband were both killed in Iraq in 2005, so she knew that those who wear the tiny gold star bear a loss heavier than any medal can convey. Still, she hoped at least members of the military and those who work with them would understand.
So she was surprised when during a trip to her local installation to register her three sons, ages 21, 19 and 16 for an Army-sponsored event, some Army employees didn't understand the significance of the Gold Star. It had been just a month after her husband died, she explained to the employee, and they weren't feeling so good.
"I told them, 'We're a Gold Star Family, and we're kind of fragile right now,'" she said. "They were like, 'What's that?' with no compassion."
Emotions flared, the manager was summoned and apologized after Westbrook submitted a customer complaint. But the sting of the slight lingered.
"It almost feels disrespectful," she said. "I just wish there was some kind of training or acknowledgment for military and civilian personnel who work on installations to be more aware of what the Gold Star means and to have that compassion. I didn't want them to treat us like eggs, but just to know that we're in this state."
It's a familiar story Gold Star Survivors tell in groups like the Gold Star Wives, Gold Star Mothers and Gold Star Dads, which came together for support and healing. They also work to promote the ideals of the military and to support veterans, service members and each other. The Gold Star Mothers, started in 1929, and the Gold Star Wives, formed in 1945, are both chartered by Congress.
"There's an unspoken bond among Survivors -- it doesn't matter whether he or she is a widow, parent or child. People I don't even know walk up to me and put their arm around me, and that's very comforting," Engeman said. "When you see the star and the banner, you just know." But for those who don't know, she urged, try to understand. "Don't be afraid to thank Survivors for their sacrifice," she said. "Remember what the star means."